Spa Tek

Manifesto

We are having an election. You may have heard. Don't bother to come to Britain or switch on British TV or radio for at least two weeks as politics has overtaken every channel.

It's time to state my position, and perhaps you'll gain some flavour of my thinking if I propose a manifesto. What I need to find is a party or candidate that will accept most of my wishes - and they will get my vote.

Let's start with the important stuff: chewing gum. I want a punitive tax placed upon its sale, and power to arrest and incarcerate anyone found spitting the obnoxious substance upon our public spaces.

All takeaway food and confectionery to be wrapped in biodegradable materials. I'd demand that it disappears within 30 days, and extend the requirement to cover all wrapping. Supermarkets (and many other stores) could not exist unless we paid for the wrapping around the items we buy. We seem to have accepted that, even though I can't see why, but the real pain comes when I have to pay (again) to get rid of the coloured cardboard that has surrounded the food, or whatever else I've bought.

Health and Safety officials to be banned. They are making a nonsense of our lives. This week we've had three silly instances in my small sleepy town. H&S want to ban crab fishing from the jetty - the children could fall in. The local amusement park has a 'cake walk', a moving walkway. It's been in place for 72 years, without an accident, but H&S have stopped its use, as it might cause an accident. A new church wants to build a platform - to allow the congregation to see the altar etc. H&S insist it must have a safety rail if it exceeds 2 feet (60cm) in height. Need I say more?

Most civil servants and local council employees should be re-employed. This is a more difficult manifesto suggestion but our officials are now more interested in their own careers than in providing service.

Finally I'd like to ban political parties. They seem to lie (in all senses of the word) at the heart of the problem.

posted by Suffolk Notes @ 11:20 am